Living Life Matters

Have you often looked back in life and wondered how things could have been different? If you had made a different choice then, how would you lived your life today? We all have been culprit to our past. Our lives today are often the by product of our decisions and choices we made in the past. There should not be any regrets. Living life should matter more than wondering the “what if”. Living life should be more about the present. Not about the choices we made in the past or the poor decisions we took then. Rather it is about making them. We often come face to face with a situation where one has to choose.

I believe that it is always better to leave the outcome of our choices or decision to our faith. Living life matters more than wondering the “what if”. Life is already too short as it is. I’d rather be living life itself.

A Wedding Invite

I have seen this card before in her blog but when it finally arrived in my mailbox, I think it looked so much better. I rarely get a chinese wedding invitation so red is a very rare colour for me but this red was warm, auspicious and very special.

Already we have planned a girly day out with pedi and mani on top of the list and hair treatment and if time permits, some tete-a-tete session. I’m still looking for that perfect pink dress. So, do give me a tinker if you a happen to spot one will ya.

A breath of fresh air

I have finally found the right provider to link me to the world wide web from the comfort of my apartment. After having pondered, deliberated and carefully considered many different options, I think I may have found just the right service provider for me. The type where I don’t need telephone line to link a modem to the internet. The type where you plug and play and where it makes internet totally mobile. I small light device which I can bring along with me like the size of my Nokia 6300 but lighter and slightly smaller. Perhaps now I can spend more time blogging. Perhaps… perhaps… perhaps…

And so I have decided to give my page a new look and feel just because I can now do so from my apartment whilst tapping furiously on my Mac. Too bad I don’t have a barista around to make me a cup of caramel macchiato. Until then, it’s me, U Mobile and Mac.

It’s the New Year

It’s been long overdue this entry of mine. Today marks the last day of January. Already a month has gone by and soon we will be celebrating the Chinese New Year. Time flies like a speeding bullet. Next thing you’ll know, we’ll be talking about new year parties and christmas holidays again though not in another 11 months or so. At the moment, I’d rather bask in the delight of 2008. So much has taken place last year. Some pain, some joy, some sorrow, some delight. A little bit of this and that which makes up a colourful life and events that changes our lives, our perception and the way we view life.

Still, I hope some things do remain the same. Like the cheery, optimistic, hopeful, sentimental and hopeless romantic that thrives amongst those born under Tiger Sage star. Sounds familiar? Yes. Some things will remain the same and should remain the same because it’s the only charasteristic mark that makes up of who we are. I’d rather not let go of them.

For many of us, we hope that the new year brings brighter future, hope for a better life, hope for better luck, hope for rising price shares and better economy, simply HOPE. A four letter word that means a lot. The year seems to be scoring well thus far. Giving hope to many that the year will fare better. But really, only time will tell. We can only hope for the best yet anticipate the worst. To be a realist for a hopeless romantic is never easy. Those born under the Tiger Sage star seems to view things with so much optimism that sometimes, we forget reality do bite. Ouch! Still, the adventurous spirit in a Tiger Sage that knows no boundary. Always wondering what life’s little mysteries would bring us.

So here’s hoping that this new year brings you all that you hope for. Dreams realised. Luck turning better. Love found. Happiness found. Friendship rekindles. Whatever you may be hoping for, I wish you all the best and hope that you’ll find hope being realised.

Happy New Year (It’s never too late)

Hope you’ll have a happy year.

Getting started again

When I revisited this blog, I couldn’t believe that is has almost been a year since my last entry. That was almost 1 year ago! Has it been that long? Have I lost my touch? Have I lost my passion for writing? Questions that even at this point, I do not have a straight answer. Maybe. Perhaps. Not sure. Changes that I least expected took place. Events that took place have somehow changed my perspective about life. My view of things have been altered somehow.

Things happen for a lot of reasons beyond our comprehension. Have they changed my views? In some circumstances, it has allowed me to reflect on these events that took place and how they have altered in the way I view things. A learning process for me as I begin to slowly understand. After all, just like my alma matter “I am learning”. Till today, I am still learning. Trying to make sense of the things that matters. Have I lost my hopeless romantic sense? Perhaps I have just evolved into a hopelessly hopeless romantic. Go figure!

IF WE …

This is especially dedicated to all those who has ever had their hearts broken, one way or another. I happen to come across this lyric while googling the world wide web. And though he may be an old crooner, he still has that “ummpphh” in his voice. This song can be found in his ‘If We Fall In Love Tonight’ album by Rod Stewart which also holds quite a good selection of songs. 

Pain, flows like a river, just keeps on livin
With all them memories
Shame, youre so heartbroken
Now youre scared to open and give your love again
And now anticipation waits for love
Will it be everything you dreamed this time around
I know you have your doubts
But I wont let you downDarlin if, if we fall in love tonight
You’re gonna be alright
Your heart is in good hands
Darlin if, if we fall in love again
On me you can depend, if you could take a chance
Open your heart and let love, love again
Blame, who’s fault is it this time
I can see it in your eyes, I know you’re wonderin
Things can change, say you’ll be all mine
I’m gonna love you all the time
Don’t let it slip away
And now anticipation waits for love
Will it be everything you dreamed this time around
I know you’ve got your doubts
But honey I wont let you down
Darlin’ if, if we fall in love tonight
You’re gonna be alright
Your heart is in good hands
Darlin’ if, if we fell in love again
On me you can depend, if you can take a chance
And open your heart and let love, love again

Honey I don’t, I don’t want you to have any doubts about me
Whatever makes you happy, I’m gonna do
Baby I’m so ready to love you down
I cant wait another moment I need you right now

Darlin if, if we fall in love tonight
You’re gonna be alright
Your heart is in good hands
Darlin if, if we fall in love again
On me you can depend, if you can take a chance
[repeat once]
Open your heart and let love, love again

Cinta

What is it about love that makes us so? Why does it come and go when we least expects it? Why does cinta makes us all vulnerable, soft, hopeless romantics and broken hearted? When we do know what love can do to us, why is then that we seek love? What do we hope to find? Hope? The sense of being? The feeling of being loved? A sense of belonging?

Kenapa harus kita mencari cinta yang tidak pasti akan ada kesudahannya? Kenapa cinta mencari kita di saat kita tidak pasti kewujudannya? Apakah kita perlukan cinta? Atau apakah cinta itu perlukan kita? Mengapa harus kita mencari cinta bila mana kita tahu cinta itu akan mengecewakan kita.

Cinta. Ratusan drama, puluhan filem, ribuan buku telah menceritakannya. Tapi kenapakah hingga kini persoalan cinta itu masih lagi menjadi satu tanda tanya. Masih lagi kita meragukan kewujudannya. Apakah untuk mengisi kehidupan kita dengan makna atau hanya mensia-siakan hidup ini dengan kekecewaan. Yang mendapatnya akan bahagia. Yang kekurangannya akan kecewa. Hanya untuk cinta.

Cinta. Apa yang kita harap dengan mencarinya. Kalau hanya bermandikan airmata. Hanya berbantalkan rasa kecewa. Persoalan yang belum tentu anda faham akan kesudahannya… itu pun jika ada kesudahannya. Mungkin cinta itu yang seharusnya memahami kita dan bukan untuk kita memahami cinta. Mungkin cinta itu ada kerana kita tapi bukan kita ada kerana cinta.

Bukan mudah untuk kita mencarinya akan tetapi senang sekali untuk kita menghilangkannya. Bila mana kita diberi peluang untuk memilikinya, akhirnya, kita lalai dan cinta itu dipersiakan.

Benarkah cinta itu buta? Atau adakah cinta itu buta kerana kita tidak tahu jika ianya wujud untuk kita atau kita wujud untuk cinta. Mengapa kita harus cinta? Apa kita benar benar perlukan cinta atau sekadar satu perasaan yang kita sendiri tidak pasti dari mana asalnya dan bila pula kesudahannya? Benarkah kita boleh menyayangi seseorang dengan sepenuh hati sedangkan kita bercinta dengan orang lain? Wujudkah cinta sejati atau hanya sekadar satu impian?

Cinta. Selamilah ertinya. Carilah maknaya. Fahami inti patinya. Kajilah asalnya. Dan jangan dibiarkan cinta itu terus buta. Tontonilah Cinta di pawagam untuk lebih memahami cinta. Jika kita boleh memahaminya.

Missing You Much

Have you ever felt that you’ve missed a lot of good things in life? Or that you’ve missed a lot of good moments in life? Why do we miss all these things? Why does the heart desire the feeling of “missing”.

I’ve missed a lot of good things in life. I missed being missed. I missed being there. I missed being my contagious laugh. I missed my loving self. I missed on so many good things in life.

Sometimes I wish I could just let go this “missing” feeling and live life again. But it wouldn’t let me go. It just keeps coming back to taunt me. To haunt me. To mock me. I have thought of finding solace in a far away land where no one can find me. Where I can go missing. Perhaps then, the “missing” feeling can finally be set free. 

I am missing everything, everyone, everytime, everywhere, everyday.

An Old Tag That Needs To Be Posted

I have always prided myself with being a person who never fail to reply to a tag when tagged. But somehow, this one slips my mind. See, I completed the tag earlier only to find the previous blogspot server was not responding when I tried to publish it. So, whatever I have written earlier got lost. I felt so frustrated and felt that the second tag was not as good as the first and hence, I decided to save it in my word doc and thought I’ll get back to it. I did get back to it, only months later. But as I got tagged by my twin, I will not let her down although this is a tad too late, it is always better late than never.  

I AM a Saggitarius born in the year of Tiger. Just like my twin. (Like you don’t already know that)

I JUST NOW found this tag and thought I should finish it.

I SAID to my twin that I will do this TAG a long time back. Has it been that long?

I WANT peace of mind.

I WISH for good things for all my friends.

I HATE hypocrites.

I MISS the lovely springtime in Melbourne with him.

I FEAR of being hurt by love. Who doesn’t?

I HEAR that my twin is back in the workforce. May the force be with her *grin*

I WONDER if I can keep up with my blog.

I REGRET being emotional.

I AM NOT as strong as I look.

I SING when I hear my favourite song being played.

I CRY when the heart aches.

I AM NOT ALWAYS emotionally strong.

I MADE quite a number of new of friends from my blog. Isn’t that nice…

I WRITE when I can’t express them in words.

I CONFUSE a lot of people whenever I speak Malay.

I NEED tender loving care. Who doesn’t?

I SHOULD control my temper more

I START to wonder if I’ll keep my blog

I FINISH this TAG a tad too late. Better late than never no?

I TAG no one else coz this is already many months too late and overdued. 

All in A Day’s Blog

When I first started keeping a blog, little did I know what was in store for me. Little would I expect friendships being forged. Little would I know I will be celebrating my 2nd anniversary soon. In fact, if you were to visit “Poison : A Day In Life”, you will noticed that the first entry was published in Nov 2004 though its very first comment only came in Dec 2004 by a girl who happens to hail from my hometown, Kuching. Little by little, that blog began to have more comments pouring in. In less than a year, frienships were forged and to this very day, they have been coming back to this blog despite changes that took place.

I am touched. Touched by the people who regularly checks into this blog expecting to find new entry but end up only with A Brand New Chapter yet they still leave behind comments which never fail to warm my day. Alas! I can’t help but feel sentimental about it for a tiger sage values these things highly and my twin will agree with me.

Change is always constant. We see changes taking shape everyday. Whether changing jobs, taking on new job, changing environment etc. People undergo changes in their lives. Even blogs undergo changes. More importantly, when a person undergo these changes, do they change for the better or for the worse? When a person does undergo these changes, does he/she change in terms of their personality? Can we recognise an old friend whom we once thought we knew so well? Tepuk dada tanya selera.

Ada kalanya juga sukar bagi diri kita untuk menceritakan segalanya kerana sukar untuk kita mengertikan mengapa sesuatu itu perubahan itu berlaku. Ada kalanya juga, kita tidak sedar bahawasanya seorang itu telah berubah. Tetapi setiap apa yang berlaku itu pasti ada hikmah disebaliknya. Cuma kita mungkin belum tahu hikmahnya.

To you who never fail to drop by to check out this blog, I thank you. Who knows, your comments/message will probably inspire me to write. I am always around. Reading your blog, checking out things that takes place in your blog has always been constant though I may not seem to leave many messages/comments. Believe it or not, words seem to elude me these days. Surprised? I am as shocked. I do hope this will pass. I am eager to once again blog like I used to…

Aku masih di sini…